50+ Lifestyles

The Importance of “The Plan”

By David W. Deuth, CFSP
President, Weerts Funeral Home

Recently, a news story regarding funerals aired on a local television station. The story was based on the frustrations a family was facing in securing funds for funeral expenses. We are pleased that the television station has brought to light the magnitude of an incredibly important matter.

Over the past dozen or more years, I have made a considerable and intentional effort to personally educate people throughout our area about the importance of having a “Plan” [I choose to call it a Plan, with a capital “P”, simply because one’s Plan should include much more than just funeral instructions.] Daily we walk alongside folks who, on the worst days of their lives, discover things they didn’t know they didn’t know they’d have to deal with when mom or dad died. As a result, they often discover to their lament that if only they had known some of the information earlier, they could have implemented simple legal documents or solutions that may have resulted in a significant reduction in the financial and/or legal complications they so often end up enduring.

Pre-planning for funeral arrangements is a small, but critical, piece of one’s Plan. And among the greatest obstacles to pre-planning funeral details is quite simply the fact that few people are actually willing to discuss it. When the kids ask Dad if he wants to be buried at the National Cemetery because of his military service, they might receive the reply, “I don’t want to talk about that.” Similarly, it just might be Dad who says to the kids, “I’d like to talk with you about some things for my funeral…”, only to hear the kids respond, “Oh Dad, don’t talk that way!”
And, sadly, this is often where the topic rests. Until the worst day in the lives of those who survive, that is. This becomes the day, by default, when decisions must be made and families are inevitably left to ponder, “I wonder what Dad would have wanted?” . . . simply because no one was ever willing to discuss it.

It may surprise you to know that fully two-thirds of the families we serve do not have one iota of a plan in place for their funeral intentions. Nothing. And while we certainly will walk families through the myriad details and the issues and the options and the decisions from square one on the worst day of their lives, we know there’s a better way. But it requires thinking about it – and talking about it – in advance . . . if only there is a willingness to do so.

At the same time, a growing trend has been emerging where people contact us and tell us they need to pre-plan because someone in their family is under hospice care. [It should be noted that registered hospice patients are expected to live less than six months.] While on the one hand we applaud this, simply because it can be helpful in certain respects, we find that we share in their frustration as they discover soon enough that, the more informed they become, the more they realize that their most meaningful and helpful options may have already dwindled, and will only continue to dwindle rapidly with each day that goes by.

It’s worth noting that some things may still be done, even while one is under hospice care, to establish or update one’s Plan. It may be a challenge – but not entirely out of the question – to establish or update a Will, a Power of Attorney or even health care documents such as a Living Will, Advance Directives or a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care.

When someone is under hospice care – so long as they are lucid and can fully understand their decisions and their actions, and so long as they also possess the physical and cognitive abilities required to sign documents.

However, when someone is under hospice care, it is next to impossible to acquire life insurance for them.  Some would say that this needs to be done when one is as young and healthy as possible, simply because life circumstances can change and may possibly even render someone “uninsurable” in certain scenarios. In any case, it’s difficult – if not impossible – to obtain life insurance while under hospice care. And that can be a big option to lose, especially when no other planning or provision has been established for this purpose.

We fully understand and appreciate that there’s nothing easy about having these conversations. We understand that it can be emotional to discuss. And we understand that there just might not be any time that feels “right” to discuss it. But we also understand that the good options can diminish quickly in certain circumstances – and we want to do all we can to inform as many people as we can before those best options are gone for them.

The difficult reality is that each and every one of us will face the death of people we love.  That won’t change. Neither will the multitudes of decisions that need to be made when someone dies. Neither will the fact that, as human beings, we’re hard-wired with a need to grieve and mourn the loss of someone we love. And neither will the fact that when the difficult decisions are addressed in advance, it leaves more of the human heart and spirit available for those emotional needs on the worst days of our lives.

I’ve always maintained that the best time to select a funeral home is when you don’t need one.  I still feel that way. But it’s perhaps even more important to have the talk of a lifetime with the people you care the most about – whenever you possibly can.

Remember, plans don’t need to be elaborate to be effective. They just need to be established. I will endeavor to continue encouraging people to be informed, to be prepared, and to be intentional in their planning, so those who plan ahead can have the peace of mind that their wishes are known . . . that their plans are in place and secure . . . and so the people they care the most about can Remember Well.

A licensed funeral director, David W. Deuth CFSP, is the owner of Weerts Funeral Home in Davenport and RiverBend Cremation and Quad Cities Pet Cremation in Bettendorf. He can be reached at 563.424.7055 or by email at Dave@WeertsFH.com.