50+ Lifestyles

A Good Lesson

By David W. Deuth, CFSP
President, Weerts Funeral Home

One of my college professors had a proposition that piqued the curiosity of every student in the room on the first day of class.

“I don’t take attendance in this class,” she began.

Fellow classmates exchanged smiles and nods, convinced that they had definitely selected the right class – and the right instructor.  She continued.

“I happen to believe that there are days when the best thing we can do for ourselves is to take a day off – to recharge and refresh and be good to ourselves. I also believe that if we use those days properly, we can really make the most of the other days when we’re working hard.”
Excited glances were exchanged with eyebrows raised and thumbs up. Days off were already being planned.

“But,” she continued, “if you do have to take a day for yourself and miss this class, I’ll encourage you to connect with someone else in the class and review their notes together – it will be beneficial to you.”  Easy enough.

“There are a few more things you’ll need to know about this class,” she said. “First, there are three exams, as well as a final exam. I’ve given you the dates of each exam in your syllabus, so you’ll want to make sure you’re here on those days. You cannot pass this course if you do not take all the exams.” More than fair. We all expected to take the exams anyway.

“Next, you need to know that there will also be quizzes throughout the semester. Quizzes will be random and unannounced. You can miss one quiz and still get a decent grade if you work hard the rest of the semester. You can miss two quizzes and still get a passing grade if your other work is above average…but you can’t miss three quizzes and pass the class.”

Fidgeting became noticeable; some sat themselves upright in their chairs as reality came into focus.

“Oh,” she said hesitantly, as though an afterthought, “it’s true…whether you come to class or not is entirely up to you. But you should also know that the final exam is cumulative. You will be responsible for all the material from throughout the entire semester on the final exam.”

Within a matter of minutes, the mood had quickly changed from thrilled to somber. This class would be like any other: there would be work to do in order to get through it.

Many times since, I have filtered this scenario through my lens as a funeral director. The congruencies are notable.

Those dealing with grief discover soon enough that, not unlike that college course, there’s work to do in order to get through it. And while there is grace to take a day here and there for yourself along the grief journey, most find that “getting up and going to class”, as it were, is not only beneficial, it’s entirely necessary.

“Going to class” might include going back to your church following the funeral. It might include writing in a journal. It might include taking a friend up on their invitation to go out for lunch. Or going to a concert. Or having a family dinner. Or getting together with the couples group you always ran around with. Or going back to the funeral home to honor the life of someone else who has died.

Not unlike my college course, this grief work isn’t always easy either. And even though cutting corners and skipping class may seem tempting far too often – because, after all, you can skip if you want to – sooner or later, the quizzes and the exams always come around.

And it’s a really great feeling when you’re prepared for them.

There’s a pretty good lesson in that.

Remember Well.

David W. Deuth, CFSP, is a funeral director and the owner of Weerts Funeral Home in Davenport and RiverBend Cremation and
Quad Cities Pet Cremation in Bettendorf. He can be reached at 563.424.7055 or by email at Dave@WeertsFH.com.