To be a doctor, one must have eight or more years of medical training; to be a psychologist, one must have at least a master’s degree; for parenting, however, no education is required. Anyone can become one, and oftentimes, parents-to-be are unprepared for the biggest responsibility of their lives.

What does it mean to be a good parent? Is it simply giving love and attention, kissing a booboo, and attending a school play? Of course not. Parents must work as a team to help raise a kind and well-adjusted human being, giving them autonomy in their interests while providing structure and safe boundaries in which to develop. In this, they will be sure to stay safe while exploring, understanding and appreciating the world around them…and their parents.

It is often quoted in psychological texts that the greatest gift a parent can give a child is self-esteem, and one of the best ways to do this is through unconditional positive regard. Even if they spill the milk, burn the toast, or make more of a mess when trying to help clean, it’s okay. Thank them for their efforts and continue to let them try. Do not tell a child that they are too little, or not good enough to do something; as long as it is not dangerous. Let them help, even if it’s simply holding something. Children learn from seeing, doing and ultimately form their opinions about themselves from the ones they trust. So lead a good example, include them, and help them to build a level of self-worth. This will ensure that the child is industrious and independent.

Being a good parent also involves making changes in one’s own life. A common pratfall is to take the “do as I say, not what I do” approach, in which parents live by making choices that are not necessarily good examples, for instance, having an alcoholic beverage to relax after a long day. If this is employed frequently, the child may learn to see alcohol as an acceptable outlet for stress when they get older. Or perhaps, a parent that hits a child is showing not only that physical discipline is an acceptable way to express anger or dissatisfaction, but it also may instill fear of the parents. It is much easier to punish bad behaviors than to actively try to change them through positive regard; with the latter, however, the child will develop a much warmer and respectful relationship with their parents. Too many times, parents tell the child what they are doing wrong, but they do not spend the time and effort to show them what are proper means of accomplishing tasks, expressing emotions and showing due respect.

The Child Abuse Council offers a Healthy Families program in which pregnant parents, mothers, fathers, and any other caregivers can meet with staff free of charge. They will meet parents in home and discuss any questions that parents may have while striving to build parental confidence, teaching constructive methods of play and having fun with the child. They will also offer bountiful information about basic child care, like how to help an infant sleep better, as well as set up a plan for the future. Clients are typically first-time parents who are screened at the hospital, not on a walk-in basis. The 10 things every child needs are: interaction, a loving touch, stable relationships, a safe and healthy environment, self-esteem, quality child care, communication, play, music and reading. The Healthy Families program will help parents to establish a positive environment in which this is possible.

For more information about the Child Abuse Council’s prevention and education programs, you can visit us at www.chilabuseqc.org.

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I think many of us reading 50+ Lifestyles share a common belief that time doesn’t want to stand still for any of us. Remember when you were a young child, and it felt as if tomorrow, next week or next year was so far away you’d never be able to experience that tomorrow, next week or next year. For many of us, adult life brings marriage, buying a house, and having babies. The kids grow up and move out. Before you know it, mail is coming to the house from AARP. Where does the time go? If we are lucky, we reach an age where we need to consider whether we should continue to live in the house we have lived in for 30 or 40 years. How do we know when it is time to move elsewhere? Are there signs and indications now might be the right time to move? What kind of housing is available and how do I decide the right place for me to move?

It’s interesting how many individuals are able to make the decision to move from their home, and their decision-making process is easy and swift. For others, it is a painstaking process involving anxiety and sleepless nights. There are definitive triggers that can assist a person in making the most know
ledgeable decision on when to move and what type of housing to seek.

The idea of downsizing can be appealing because there won’t be as much “house” to clean. There are people who have difficulty keeping up with mowing the lawn and snow removal. Or it could make sense financially to move because of the cost of house repairs. Some individuals may decide to move to senior independent living that can provide a few meals each day and housekeeping. Others may choose independent living that offers lower rent based on income and unreimbursed medical expenses. Home health agency services can be added to assist in allowing individuals the opportunity to stay in independent living.

If you or your loved one requires assistance with activities of daily living, you may wish to explore the option of an assisted or supportive living facility. Just a few of the activities of daily living might include preparing meals, cleaning house, bathing, showering, dressing, and grooming. Additional triggers that might lead you to exploring an assisted living could be the need for medication management and/or help with ambulating, mobility and transfers.

As I’ve mentioned in this column previously, I had worked for a skilled nursing and rehab facility a few years back. Unfortunately, when nursing facilities are mentioned, most individuals feel fearful and nervous. Nursing facilities have changed dramatically over the years. Oftentimes, a stay in a skilled nursing facility is needed for a short term rehabilitation stay and the goal for the resident is to return home. Other individuals may need to consider a long term stay and the nursing facility becomes their home. What triggers might constitute the need for a long term stay in a nursing home?

At the top of the list would be to evaluate whether the individual is in a safe environment in their home. Is there a chronic illness or has the individual experienced several falls recently? Does the individual have memory issues due to dementia or Alzheimer’s disease? Memory issues can trigger many concerns. Is there a chance the individual could leave their home without someone knowing and have an accident or get lost? Could the individual leave the oven or stove on? Is the individual forgetting to eat or not taking medication as prescribed? An individual experiencing these types of triggers would be in a much safer environment in a memory or a
nursing facility.

There are many more triggers that are not mentioned in this article which may precipitate a move from one’s house. There are so many different housing options and so many different ways to pay for care that it can be overwhelming and confusing when needing to make such decisions. GolderCare Solutions can help you and your loved one navigate through one’s personal journey of care by assessing medical and care needs, how they may affect housing or placement and how to individually best pay for your care.

Beth Maxwell is a marketing and outreach professional who loves her job while currently working for GolderCare Solutions.

Recently I had a remarkable experience with a new product, the Starkey Otolensan invisible in canal (IIC) hearing aid. It is like a contact lens for the ear. Many who know me, know that I’ve worn amplification since I was a child. This is how I became interested in becoming an audiologist. While I don’t proclaim my hearing loss to the masses, I don’t hide it either. I’ve worn many new hearing aid technologies over the past 30+ years. As an audiologist I am careful to evaluate what is hype and what is legitimate in the marketing of hearing aids. I believe this benefits my patients in describing realistic expectations. For me,the new Starkey Otolens certainly lives up to its marketing claims.

Thus far I have worn the Starkey Otolens hearing aids for one month. These hearing aids are truly invisible in my ears, unlike my old small but visible–completely in the canal (CIC) hearing aids. With the Starkey Otolens I can use my stethoscope, my phone, and my headphones without removing my hearing aids and without feedback. They are comfortable, and I have fallen asleep with them in several times. I also do not get the itchiness in my ear canals like I did with my old hearing aids, I assume because they fit so deep, beyond where the wax is being produced.

Even more impressive is the sound quality from the new IQ circuit inside the Starkey Otolens. This circuit is available in other sizes of hearing aids (behind the ear and in the ear styles). I can localize where sounds are coming from. Road noise has been vastly reduced when I’m driving; and I don’t really hear car noise unless I’m listening for it. Realistic expectations still prevail—others must still speak loud enough and they need to look at me. But I think normal hearing people experience this also.

I will say that these are most appropriate for someone who can handle a small device and is comfortable with a deep fitting hearing aid. Wax and moisture issues will need to be carefully monitored. The Dry & Store would be a good investment. Overall the Starkey Otolense costs a bit more but it is worth it.

A word about Starkey Labs which makes the Otolens. Starkey is the only truly American hearing aid company, and it really shows with their innovations. I met the founder of Starkey, Bill Austin, who fit me with the Otolens hearing aids. He is the only company owner who still sees patients. He also heads up the Starkey Foundation, a non-profit organization which donates and fits hearing aids on thousands of hearing impaired children around the world. Despite his impressive resume, Bill is a regular guy who is surprisingly easy to relate to.

Check my blog, www.donwhitehearing.com to follow my personal experiences with other hearing aid companies.

Dad, can you pass the corn?”

“What?”

“DAD CAN YOU PLEASE CALL MY AUDIOLOGIST AND GET YOUR HEARING TESTED?”

“I hear fine…I don’t have any problems!”

“Mom, can you please pass the earplugs, I need to protect my hearing from the TV!”

Kids say the darndest things, don’t they? About a year ago, a daughter and her 89-year-old father relayed this conversation to me. Being 89, this particular father was rather fixed in his ways. It turns out that he finally allowed me to test his hearing and explain to him–bluntly — what amplification could do for him and how easy it would be to hear his family again, even though he was 89 years old. No one likes to be told they cannot hear, but there is so much that can be done to remedy hearing loss that it is even more obvious when dads are “faking it” or “covering up” their rather obvious hearing handicap.

50+ fathers have seen it all and know it all. The problem is that they don’t always anticipate that better hearing can be so easy. When you are a father, conventional wisdom indicates that everything is difficult, costs twice as much and takes twice as long to achieve. The good news is hearing aids are easier than that. Payment plans exist. Hearing aids are fast to set up. Technology makes volume, background noise and overall comfort automatically better.

My patient purchased appropriate hearing aids for his loss. The gentleman has reluctantly agreed (in private) that the hearing aids have been easy and tremendously helpful, He comes in every six months for cleaning and adjustments as needed. The family thanks me every time they bring him because they can save their voices and he can participate in conversations with minimal repeating. Hearing aids provide measurable benefit for the hearing impaired and for the family.

There are a lot of new products to help your dad remain safe and improve communication. Cap Tel Phones: allows fathers to read what your family is saying in real time. There are no buttons to push or special phone numbers to memorize. This is a special phone but very easy to use. Fire Alarms: Many fathers cannot hear the high frequency (high pitched) sounds of standard fire alarm systems. These fire alarms keep your dad safe by playing a lower pitched sound. Smaller, more powerful hearing aids with better control in background noise. You will be impressed how well you do. For an amazing new product called the OtoLens, see my blog at www.donwhitehearing.com.

Fathers…I challenge you to view your family’s “nagging” for what it is…the love and concern your family has for your well-being so they can enjoy you as long as possible and as healthy as possible.

Happy Father’s Day!

Communication is a two way street: the talker and listener each have a responsibility. The talker must speak loud and clear, and present their ideas in an orderly way. The listener’s job is to pay attention and speak up if something is not understood. If one person does not perform their job, then the message gets mixed up. Hearing aids make your job listening much easier. In some cases other assistive devices that can work with your hearing aids to further remove background noise.

Remember, if there is something you can do to improve your listening situation, you will feel more involved and active in your life. Most of the time, these simple suggestions can help. It may help to frequently and (nicely) remind the other person to speak a little differently. Or, you can be a gracious listener and provide cues that you understood the other person.

For the normal hearing person:

1. Get the other person’s attention. If necessary tell them what the topic is before talking about it.
2. Turn off background noise. TV, radio, shut the door, etc.
3. Look at the other person-make sure they can see you.
4. Smile and talk slowly. Shouting distorts. If necessary, “chunk” your
phrases. For example, “Today…. I am going…. to the store…..to buy some…milk.”
5. Rephrase rather than repeat. Say the message more slowly.
6. Hearing aids do not replace normal hearing-they amplify your voice and remove extra noise so you do not have to shout. They make listening
easier but not normal for the user.

For the hearing impaired:

1. Try to improve your listening situation. It is not your fault you cannot hear well. However, you can make it easier for others to talk to you. Ask
others to talk louder, slower, clearer, look at you, turn off the TV, get a
little closer, etc.
2. Communication habits are hard to break. Nicely remind others frequently how to speak, even if it is every 30 seconds. Again, the speaker’s job is to make themselves heard.
3. Look at others when they talk! Their facial expressions offer good
information and can help you understand.
4. Respond when others talk. Say, “OK,” nod your head, ask questions, etc. Others don’t know if you heard them or not.
5. If you have hearing aids, wear them as much as possible–even if it is quiet in your home. If there is a problem, take charge: see your audiologist, speak out, get a second opinion, ask others to help you. Hearing aids often require adjustments over time. There is no such thing as a one-size fits all hearing aid. If you are honest and willing, help is available.

I first met a little boy named Sergio about two years ago. The eleven year old was battling a rare form of cancer in children (acute myeloid lymphoma). Unfortunately, I have met a lot of children battling illnesses these last couple of years. Behind the illness there is a character born from the struggles a child has to face to win the battle against cancer. In Sergio, there was much more character than I expected. His character reveals itself in more ways than one.

“I got disappearing ink and sprayed it on my doctor’s coat,” he laughed as he told me of his latest prank while undergoing treatment in Iowa City this fall.

To understand what it means to see him laugh, and play pranks—you have to know just a little more of his health history. You see Sergio and his mother were in the fight of his life last year. But as sick as he was, this little guy was so touched by the kindness people showed him, that he was determined to find a way to give back.

“He wanted to put on a blood drive to give the blood back that he used to get better,” his mother Melissa explains. “After the first drive he said, we should do it all the time.” And they have done just that. But they did not stop there. He signed on to help organizations like The Children’s Miracle Network with fundraisers.

Sergio

This fall, the brave boy slowly turning into a young man, stepped up to the podium to address hundreds of people at the Runway to Healing event. He modeled a bit too, strutting his stuff on the runway. “You looked cool, huh?” I teased. “Yeah!” he answered with a smile.

But that smile was hiding something else. As he stood at the podium a bit nervous—his family was nervous too. After beating his cancer the year before, there was new concern about his health. He underwent a painful biopsy just prior to the event. The results would come a few days later—and would take the breath right out of them. Sergio had cancer again.

“I was sad it happened again,” Sergio told me as we sat on the couch in his living room. “

They had been through the most difficult year of their lives. He beat the cancer and was declared cured. Now, they were about to start it all over again. But as heart-broken as they were, they were also determined to fight again with everything they have.

“I’m gong to kick this cancer again,” he said with determination. “I’m going to kick it even harder this time!”

His proud mother shook her head in support and added, “You can’t imagine what this little kid has been through and how strong he has been. All he has been through and he still smiles everyday. He is my hero. I look up to him 100 percent.”

He has found a bone marrow donor and has now been in the hospital fighting for several weeks. He has had plenty of really bad days, and a handful of days to celelbrate. His mom updates his Care Page on a daily basis—sharing his status changes, good and bad, with family and friends. Through it all Sergio and mom Melissa continue pushing for people to help meet and exceed the goal of Dance Marathon—a fundraiser to support families battling cancer.

Sergio and friends

If all goes well, Sergio hopes to make it home for the Super Bowl. If not, I am confident his family will find a way to look at the bright side and overcome the next obstacles too. Find a way to keep showing the courage and determination it takes to beat the illness that has changed all of their lives. Along the way still reaching out to give back to others. That makes them everyday heroes in my book.