By Teresa Babers
Program Manager
New Parent Services
Child Abuse Council

For most parents, discipline issues begin around age two and continue full speed through adolescence. This is a time where even the mild mannered obedient child may begin to resist and question the rules they have always followed. An even the most patient parents may lose their cool. Often, I am tempted to just say yes to avoid conflict. In fact, I am sure I have.

Parent’s desire to give teenagers everything they didn’t have, has left the typical modern teenager with lots of stuff and lots of freedom. Thus, the adolescent today has cell phones with internet access and texting, lap tops, pricey name brand clothing and a car the day after they get their driver’s license. I am not sure how I lived through teenage years with nothing more than a small black and white TV, a close and play record player, the corner bus stop for transportation and a mother who was rigid about where I went, what I did and who I did it with. I am not criticizing progress, I am only suggesting that perhaps it is healthy for parents to occasionally say no, because it what their children need to hear.

I realize that a positive response is always more popular than a negative one. It does feel good to have the approval of your soon to be adult children. However, according to theorists conflict is critical part of your adolescent’s development. In a typical parent/child relationship there is a strong and loving bond. The seven year old child is likely eager to please and make you happy. When my youngest daughter was seven she told me that when she grows up she wanted to move next door to me. Today she is 14. I recently reminded her of this. She implied that I made this up and informed me that she would probably not even live in the same state, but that I would be welcome to visit her from time to time. While it is difficult to see your children distance themselves from you, imagine what would happen if they didn’t. You could have you forty year old residing in their childhood bedroom while you did their laundry, cooked their meals and reminded them to pick up after themselves. It is much easier for a young adult to launch themselves from the nest with a little healthy conflict. It is a declaration of their growing independence.

“So, I for one remind myself of this when I have to say no. No, you may stay out until 2 o’clock in morning. No, you may not go to that party in the home of someone I do not know. No, you may not talk on the phone all night.” Somewhere I read you should say five positive statements for every negative one. Some of my favorite follow ups are, I am proud of you, a big hug or it’s all in love.

At some point every parent worries if they are doing the right thing. A few years ago I had a reminder of the things that matter most to our children during the funeral of my husband’s grandfather. He died just 29 days after his wife of 71 years. Together they had eight children, 20 grand children and 24 great grand children. It is safe to say that they were experienced in raising children. Judging by those who loved them, they did a good job. A grandson who was named after his grandfather and in part raised by his grandparents gave a testimony to the things for which he was most grateful. His list included the following:

• Thank you, for leaving the light on
• Thank you, for checking on me and bringing an extra blanket on a cold night
• Thank you for being at my kindergarten, high school and college graduation
• And thank you for saying “no” and sticking to it without explaining why when I needed to hear it most.

For information about the Child Abuse Council’s prevention and education programs, you can visit us at www.childabuseqc.org or call us at 309-786-1466.

First, allow us to extend a belated Holiday Greetings from your drifting duo of the Quad-City Area. We hope your Season was filled with family, friends and lots of fun.

We decided early on that we would make 2010 a Fifty Plus year to enjoy. We have included something special this time; we threw in our “must do” list for 2010. We called it the 2010 Bucket List. But before we shift into the future, let’s take a look at the past month or so.

The Circus comes to town – well sort of

Last time we were together we expounded on the term ‘theatergoer.’
It conjures up visions of Shakespeare, Rogers and Hammerstein and Jonathan Larson’s Rent. We made it to Davenport’s beautiful Adler Theater a couple of times this month. But one performance was anything but ‘theatre.’

In his best tongue and cheek styling, hubby Frank claims, “I ran away with the Circus when I was a kid, but my mother made me take it back.” Whether this statement is true or not is highly debatable, but when we saw Cirque Dreams: Illumination on November 18th – it ran away with our hearts.

What is Cirque Dreams: Illumination? Well, it’s hard to explain, but think about what might happen if you put European artistry, American Circus and Broadway Music into your Vita Mix Blender and pushed the high button. Musicians, acrobats and aerialists, wirewalkers, twisters and poppers combined their talents to create a fantastic show. We were entranced (right up until the time we were exited).

Less than two weeks later, on the 29th, we were back at the Adler for the Wizard of Oz. Remember Dorothy and Toto? They come back to life in a new national tour and as the program said, it was spectacular. The “lions, tigers and bears, oh my” chant brought us swirling back to childhood memories. We remember back in our younger days, dressed in our Shirley Temple PJ’s nestled in front of the family’s black and white TV. The 1939 classic movie by the same name staring Judy Garland played on TV once per year – and we never missed it. Can we say; the Wizard and we go back quite a few years?

We thought this production was enjoyable, fun and cool. We cannot stop recommending the shows at the Adler. Please look into the schedule if you have the chance.

Christmas Showcase

We took the hubbies to see the Christmas Showcase at St. Ambrose University. It was the quintessential Christmas event. Old favorites, modern new holiday tunes and some jumping jazz renditions of Christmas standards brought a smile to everyone’s face. The community symphony orchestra, the university symphonic band, the vocal jazz group, the jazz combo, the chamber singers and the chorus all delivered great holiday music. Our favorite was STAMVOJA, the vocal jazz group. They were lively singers and put on a delightful set. We urge you to look at the schedule at SAU and to catch some of the coming music in the New Year. Here’s the fantastic story of living here on the Great River Bend (The Quad Cities), these performances are nearly free! Which brings us to our next little thought: having fun without spending a bundle.

Frugal Festivities

You know that we and the hubbies, like to party; that we do like to have a good time. We also like to keep an eye on the cash flow in order to be able to be out and about in the Quad Cities.

January finds many of us getting something extra from Santa – bills. We believe it doesn’t take money to have a good time. This time of year, our little mantra goes, “We’re going to celebrate financial ruin, life is good and we know what the poor folks are doing.”

We plan to continue on with fun and frolic, but while we recharge the bank account. Our annual ‘Black-eyed pea” New Years party is just one example. Down in Oklahoma where we grew up (no we’re not sisters – we just share a home state), eating peas on New Year’s day is supposed to bring good luck. We’re not quite sure about the luck, but for 89 cents you can feed an army of friends. Toss in a jug of table wine and you have the perfect five dollar party. Life is good!

We also plan a couple of outings to the River Music Experience. Can you believe free music from some of the top performers in the area? If you haven’t seen “open mike” night at MoJo’s, you need get out more. It’s free, it’s fun and it starts at 6:30 on Wednesday nights.

The 2010 Must Do Bucket List

And now the moment you have been waiting for. The average person reads at 200 words a minute, so for the past three minutes and 42 seconds you have been on pins and needles about this great list. It started just last night that we got together for a potluck meal with our hubbies and a couple of great friends. As we cleared away the dishes, we talked about our 2010 Must Do Bucket List – the hubbies caught it on paper.

We thought this might be a great time to share and share alike. So, here’s our list. We’re going to:

1. Celebrate Financial Ruin with Black Eyed Peas
2. Go to a real live Broadway Play in New York City and have drinks on the sidewalk
3. Imbibe in three “Side Cars” at our favorite spot Boozies
4. Watch the sun go down from the Boat House deck
5. Go have dinner at that catfish place near Maquoketa (Bluff Lake)
6. Visit Fairfield Iowa on a Friday night
7. Watch the sun rise from high atop Prospect Park in Davenport
8. Attend a Hillbilly Music Festival (maybe in Avoca, Iowa)
9. Travel to Summer Fest in Milwaukee
10. Go to a Renaissance Fair (somewhere)
11. Visit the lighted bridge in downtown Davenport once a month
12. Go to Bishop’s buffet for old time sake
13. Picnic at Black Hawk Park
14. Wander Wild Cat Den in the spring
15. Climb in Caves in Maquoketa
16. Find our first Indian Arrowhead (contributed by Frank)
17. Go down to Nauvoo Illinois and see the historic site
18. Spend a day living “Island Time” in Sabula Iowa
19. Visit a Fiber Arts show (somewhere)
20. Win a prize at the fair
21. Go to some zoos (Omaha, Niabi, anywhere)
22. Soak in some Samuel Clements at Hannibal MO
23. Watch an IMAX movie at the Putnam
24. See one of the few Mummies still on display outside of Egypt (at the Putman)
25. Experience the Quad Cities Rock Band – The One Night Standards
26. Have a fig at the Figge Art Museum
27. Visit the Rainbow District
28. Attend a box lunch lecture at the library
29. Ride a golf cart through town

Looks like we may be in for a busy year but we still have time for few more we missed. Drop us a line in care of this paper if you have a 2010 Must Do of your own.