March 1, 2019

PUBLISHER’S CORNER

By Eloise Graham

Spring Cleaning –

Dust Bunnies and Desktop Dialogue

It is spring and time to freshen up the place. I need to sweep out those dust bunnies that have been hibernating in the corners. I have to make sure to wipe the tops of the picture frames. Oh, and to make sure to check behind the pictures hanging on the walls. Those pesky bunnies sometimes hang out there. Okay, bunnies are all corralled and trashed.

Now to tackle a place that really needs to be cleaned out. My emails on my computer. I have various folders with different topics of emails. I decided it was time to sort through some old emails and came across one from 2003. It is a hypothetical conversation between Bill Gates with Microsoft (MS)  and the CEO/President of General Motors (GM) I think you will get a chuckle or two from it. Remember, it was written in 2003 so some technological innovations have taken place in the past 16 years, but you should still enjoy the read.

MS vs GM

At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry. He stated, “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating,

“If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to close all the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and open all of the windows before you could continue. For some reason, you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause the car to shut down and refuse to restart. In which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single “This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation” warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before deploying.

8.Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.

In the past 16 years, some of these “advances in technology” have been introduced. I drive a vehicle that is 2 years old. Comment #2 has some validity. My car “knows” where the painted lines are and it will vibrate if I try to cross said lines without signaling. In construction zones, sometimes lines are repainted but old lines are still visible. My car vibrates as I cross the old painted lines. As for comment #5 there are now solar operated hybrids on the roads. I don’t know if they are five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but they are supposed to save on energy. Comment #8 has some fallacies. The newer cars no longer have keys to start the engine. It is all computerized with a keyless fob. Antennas are also not like they used to be. And comment #10 is entirely true. I do have a “Start” button that is used for starting and stopping. However, the newer models do have “Stop” written on it, albeit in much smaller letters. Computer technology has certainly entered the automotive industry. I wonder what Mr. Ford would think of the new engines.

Filed Under: Humor, Technology