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By Nancy Phelps
GolderCare Solutions

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year….
Not for everyone!

First, let me start by stating that I am not a scrooge and I like most of the holiday festivities and what it brings. I could get into all the commercialism and loss of the true meaning of Christmas, but that is not what I want to address in this article.

I want to discuss the caregivers for the older adults and disabled populations. The holidays can be very difficult for the caregivers. Emotionally and physically. The bright shiny lights are beautiful, but to a person with dementia it may overwhelm them. It seems like everyone waits for the holidays to make their annual trek to the relatives and old friends. This may seem wonderful to them, but it also may mean extra work and extra stress for the caregiver. I’m not telling people not to visit, but I want to encourage people to look at visiting differently.

Things to do for caregiver:

1. If coming to visit, call ahead and ask what would be a good time.  People with dementia and other health concerns and disabilities often have preferred times of day that they feel their best AND are in their best  mood.
2. Split up the family visiting or hire a professional caregiver.  Someone to stay with family member and the other take the caregiver out for some much needed respite.  The idea of having “fun” may have turned into a foreign thought.  You may have to persuade them that their loved one is in good hands, but the time away will be appreciated even if only for an hour or two.
3. Another option is to look into respite care at a facility for the family member.  Most assisted livings have respite care for short term stays. It is usually the cost per night in a hotel. Some long term care policies might even pay for it.

If the caregiver declines an invitation to come to your home, please don’t try to persuade or guilt them into coming. Ask them about what their concerns are and listen, really listen. My guess is that there is more to their concerns than they are voicing. You see, it may be a burden to come visit with or without their loved one. Many things to consider: transportation, possible ambulation problems, hearing and sight issues. I remember when I was a kid, we always went to my grandma’s house for holidays, but then she became ambulatory challenged as she grew older. She would not want to come to our house for the holidays because she was in a wheelchair and we didn’t have a ramp into our home.
My adult male cousins (at least 2) would pick her up in her wheelchair and carry her in. My grandma was not a small woman, and it was not an easy task to lift her into the house. This embarrassed her and caused her a lot of anxiety prior and during the visit (had to be carried back out). Whether my cousins minded doing this or not does not matter.  My grandma’s feelings were what mattered.

This holiday season I ask two things of you:
1. If you are a caregiver or a person with disabilities, try to allow those who offer to help you;
2. If you are offering to help, please be respectful of “the shoes” that the caregiver or the person with disabilities are walking/rolling in. The holidays can be “the most wonderful time of the year” or they can be just another space of time that many wish would hurry up and pass.

Merry Christmas from GolderCare Solutions Unlimited, LLC.!  We wish everyone a healthy and crisis free New Year!

Also, if you or someone you knows needs a caregiver support group, please join us for our monthly group held the 3rd Tuesday of every month from 4 to 5 p.m. To help a caregiver, give the gift of staying with their loved one or giving them a ride.  We’ll have a cup of coffee/tea/water waiting for you, too.

Nancy Phelps is a Geriatric Care Manager/Care Advocate at GolderCare Solutions.  She is a licensed independent social worker in Iowa & Illinois with 14 years experience in the mental health field.   Working at GolderCare allows her to use her years of attaining resources to help others in crisis/need find the resources and help they can use.  You can reach Nancy at GolderCare Solutions Unlimited, LLC (309) 764-2273.