50+ Lifestyles

Your Advocacy

By Julie Arndt
GolderCare Solutions

End of Life

My husband and I have recently been essentially incapacitated with a nasty flu virus. It was one of those bad bugs that stops you in your tracks and renders you weak as a kitten.  It takes all your energy just to function. By functioning I mean just tending to basic essentials of living like getting cleaned up for the day, taking in nutrition and lying on the couch.  I have found myself with huge chunks of time to ponder all kinds of life’s mysteries. One of them is death. Morbid some may think, but as we go about the business of living how can one not ponder that final phase of our journey.

One thing I give strong consideration to is whether I’ve made the most of every day. Am I wasting too much time in front of the TV when I could be doing something more? The kids are raised and out of the house. Both Steve and my careers have always been a keystone to who we are as people. But again, is there something more? Personally, I’m wrestling with this one. I suspect there is, but am just not yet clear on what that “something” is…thus the term, life mysteries.

Each of us functions with our own religious or non-religious views. When thinking about life, more specifically the end of life, one cannot help but really dig down to that next layer of what makes us who we are. During painful experiences we often realize the most personal growth.  As I grow yet another year older, another year closer to my own death, I ask myself if I’ve done everything that I should have done. Yet another mystery for me…I’m still working on this one too.

Advanced directives essentially give a formal directive of how we want to be treated at end of life.  There is the living will and the IPOST and POLST.  These three have a lot to do with life sustaining treatment if certain conditions exist. I often refer to a very nice document put out by Aging with Dignity called the “Five Wishes.” In all my years of practice, I’ve yet to find a better instrument to help one prepare for end of life. It covers the “document” aspect of advanced directives, but more importantly it provides a road map to ensure you have addressed what is important to you while you are here and also how you wish to be treated at the end of your life. Do you want pain management?  Do you want to be touched?  Prayers or music?  You get to choose.

It’s so not just about the “documents” ….albeit they are important.  It is about the preparing.  Giving thought to whether you have done and said all the things that you need to do to put things as right in your book as you can as you prepare to depart this world. That being said, it’s important to legally memorialize your wishes in writing in the form of an advanced directive.

My dad died at age 70 with renal and lung carcinoma.  One day about ten days before he died we were out driving throughout the country side looking at all the farmland he so very dearly loved.  I knew in my heart he was saying goodbye to those farms and silently to the neighbors and friends he had known forever.  He was almost talking to himself as we rode along those country roads, and occasionally he would look over as if he were just noticing I was with him. As we concluded our outing, he was telling himself that Mom would be ok. He’d left her what she needed and she would be ok. He looked over at me and told me what a wonderful family he had and he sure loved all of us. I held his hand and said, “Tell them.” My dad was very busy of the next week making sure he had the chance to tell each of his kids in his own way that he loved them.

My father’s passing forever changed how I look at death.  Death is part of living. We will be hosting a discussion on Advanced Directives at our May Empowerment Series on May 9, 2018; 10-11:30 a.m. at the GolderCare Bettendorf Office, 1900 State Street Bettendorf. Series is free and open to the public.

Julie Arndt is a licensed social worker working in the field of geriatrics for over thirty years with expertise in medical case management and community based services.  You can reach Julie at GolderCare Solutions Unlimited, LLC 309-764-2273.