50+ Lifestyles

In and Out of the Quad-Cities: The NOT THANKFUL LIST

Contributed by Gail McPike and Toni Hall

Suddenly we woke up, and it’s November. You know the drill. Pilgrims, pumpkin pie and giant turkeys combined with relentless Holiday sales and carols spewing from store speakers. Suddenly, almost out of nowhere, every magazine you open contains a celebrity thanksgiving story. Great globules of grandiose goop; Michael Jackson’s long lost monkey is thankful for bananas, Lassie is thankful for her bowl of dog chow. Heck, we wouldn’t be surprised to see a famous person’s pet rock was thankful to miss the gravel factory.

By the end of this great November, we’re thinking you too will be sick of nicey-nice thankful stories and ready for some real live grouching. We decided to give you a head start by laying out some of the stuff we are not thankful for… Join us as we go stumbling down the yellow-brick road of ingratitude.

Toping our NOT THANKFUL list this year: Political phone calls

When we answered the phone, the message said, stay tuned for a message from President Obama. For a split
second, illusions of grander flashed through our minds. Perhaps, the White House had picked up on our last article and needed some critical advice. Maybe, just maybe, we were being summoned to DC to testify on the best burgers in the Midwest. For a split second, visions of limos and bright lights danced through our heads.

Turns out the call was a recorded political message. Since late summer, every pollster, pundit and politician has managed to find our phone. With laser precision, they manage to ring the phone at the worst of all imaginable times. Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians and Independents all want to interrupt dinner, our favorite TV times and afternoon naps. Definitely not thankful for these messages.

Coming in at number two on our NOT THANKFUL hit parade: Neighbor’s Leaves

You know us. We love the QCA. The river, the hills, the beautiful tree-lined streets and all the rest are part of the landscape of our wonderful city. But, we definitely don’t appreciate raking leaves. Oh, we tolerate it to a point. After the first frost of October, it is “kinda” fun to go outdoors and rake up the first sprinkling of colorful, crisp, fresh fall foliage. Don’t get us wrong, we do love to take autumn drives along the river soaking up the wonderful smells of Fall. The hour or so drive up to Clinton, Iowa is an annual thing of wonderment. But, too much of a good thing can put your nerves on edge.

The “crème de la crème” of our leaf animosity comes by way of the neighbors leaves. We’ll explain. It’s a lovely Sunday afternoon. After two or three hours of raking, bending, lifting and hauling, the front lawn looks like the grounds at Buckingham Palace; 99.9 percent leaf-free and lovely. Collapsing into the easy chair, muscles in places you didn’t even know you had start to ache. Ah, but it’s a good ache. Accomplishment is a point of pride. Our yard could win the QCA Pride award.

Next morning: Wake up, nursing a sore back we limp to the window, throw open the curtains and prepare to gaze on a
wonderfully clean yard. Where did it go? Why did all of the neighbor’s leaves decide to hold a convention in our yard?
Not far down the leader board on our personal NOT THANKFUL list, actually lingering from early spring: The Bugs of the QCA

We’re wondering if the Quad Cities Convention Bureau missed the mark by not claiming the title of buggiest town on the planet. This summer has been one mass of swarming, crawling, flying, biting and creeping insects. Early Spring brings Mayflies. In June, it’s June bugs. Later on, we get mosquitoes, gnats, biting horse flies, carpenter ants and cockroaches. It’s a bug collectors dream and a nightmare for all the rest of us.

About the only bugs we don’t get are the giant ants featured on Current Trophy Husband Frank’s favorite movie, Them. In case you happened to miss this 1954 black and white cinematic classic, here’s the story line. Giant Ants created by nuclear testing in the New Mexico desert, attack a small town, munching on social misfits and gas station attendants along the way. Gun Smoke’s Marshall Dillon (AKA James Arness) shows up and saves the day; Miss Kitty is missing in action. They don’t make movies like they used to… but we digress.

We’re not thankful for these creepy crawling crew.

Earning honorable mention in the NOT THANKFUL category comes: Cold Weather

Someone said, “There’s a nip in the air.” We’re wondering what the heck they were nipping/sipping on. Cold weather brings three layers of clothes, cold toes, shivering, shaking and losing our little mittens. Snow shoveling and ice skating down the sidewalk might be fun to watch on the Winter Olympics, but we are definitely not happy about the experience. Thank God we don’t live in Frost Bite Falls, Minnesota.

Before we grumble on down the line…

We hope you’ve had fun hanging out with us. We do love many things about November. Feasting, family, Holiday Cheer and a bunch of cool stuff entwines our lives. We’ll be seeing you in December.