50+ Lifestyles

Adjusting Our Sails

By David W. Deuth, CFSP
President, Weerts Funeral Home

Mention Jimmy Dean’s name today, and most people would recognize it by the sausage company that bears his name. Those who have been around the block a few more times will remember Jimmy Dean (1928-2010) for his earlier career as a singer, television performer and an actor; much to his credit, he found decided success and celebrity with each.

Jimmy Dean, who quietly left the prominence of show business to build, of all things, a sausage brand, was known to have said, “I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.”

No, none of us can control the weather. Meteorologists and forecasters can predict it and with amazing accuracy most of the time – but no one on earth can control it. Most of us do choose to monitor it, though, so we know how to plan events, how to dress the kids (and ourselves) and how to make travel plans among other things. Thus, although we cannot control it, we learn how to adjust to it – ever-changing though it be.

We hear the weather team tell us there is a “100 percent chance of heavy rain.” Packing the umbrella, the raincoat and perhaps even the galoshes is a good idea; adjusting the sails, if you will. Well worth noting is that doing so is not to control the weather itself, but rather an intentional determination to adjust that which we can . . . in order to render that which we cannot control more bearable. Put another way, to disregard the forecasting and leave the rain gear in the closet is to not adjust one’s sails; be prepared to get soaked.

Like many things in life, the wind, in good measure can be a friend to the sailor; in excess, a considerable foe. While some wind is necessary to advance the sailboat upon the water at all, too much makes for rough waters and difficulty in navigating the charted course; for some, it might even lead to seasickness! And so it is, on such a day, that we learn that the best adjustment may well be to not hoist the sails at all and leave the boat in port until, as they say, the coast is clear.

Along the way, many a sailor has learned that there can be a pretty fine line between too little wind and too much. And so it is that knowing how – and when – to raise, lower and/or adjust the sails can be critically important.

Not unlike the uncertainty of the wind and the weather, the emotions of grief are ever-swirling and ever-changing. The winds of grief may be strong from one direction in the morning only to shift to the exact opposite direction later in the day. A beautiful and sunshine-filled morning can become a thunderstorm before dinner. And some days the winds are so strong that navigating the course is just too much; a good day to keep the boat in port and pause for better waters.

Just as the sailor can adjust the sails to take maximum advantage of the wind in order to move the sailboat in the desired direction, so one may have the opportunity, at times, to adjust his sails in order to take maximum advantage of the momentum created by continuing to live life in a meaningful way following the loss of someone loved.

And, just as the sailor learns early on that she cannot expect to reach the intended destination by setting the sail high upon the mast and then simply leave it unattended, so the person learning to live a “new normal” following loss must learn to first raise the sail upon the mast, and then adjust it from time to time in order to allow the winds of life to provide good, positive momentum in the proper direction.
And well worth noting is that doing so is not to control the winds of life, but rather an intentional determination to adjust that which we can . . . in order to render that which we cannot more bearable.

Sail on.

Remember Well.

David W. Deuth, CFSP, is a funeral director and the owner of Weerts Funeral Home in Davenport and RiverBend Cremation and Quad Cities Pet Cremation in Bettendorf. He can be reached at 563.424.7055 or by email at Dave@WeertsFH.com.