50+ Lifestyles

The Right Question

By David W. Deuth, CFSP
President, Weerts Funeral Home

After nearly 27 years as a funeral director, I’ve become accustomed to the certain curiosity that people seem to have with the work that I do. You might imagine the questions I am asked:
“What’s the craziest thing that’s ever happened at a funeral?”
“The most memorable?”
“The most difficult?”
“Isn’t it depressing being around sad people all the time?”
“What do you do when family members don’t agree…?”
“What do you do when….”
The list is near to endless.

Recently, a couple asked me a question during a visitation that I don’t recall anyone ever asking me before:
“What are the top three things you would want someone to know in order to be best prepared when someone they love has died?”
What?!? Someone actually wanted to discuss – indeed, even LEARN – the best way to be prepared?? I felt like the teacher whose students finally “got it!” My response was without a moment’s hesitation.

First, I urged, HAVE A PLAN. An overall Plan. Make sure the cornerstone elements of that Plan are in place and up-to-date: Will, Living Will/Advance Directives, General Durable Power of Attorney and Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care. Consider establishing a file with a funeral home containing necessary statistical and family information, as well as an outline of preferences for burial or cremation or what-have-you. If a military veteran planning on burial at the National Cemetery on Rock Island Arsenal, make sure the funeral home has a copy of the required DD-214 Discharge document. Review your life insurance beneficiary information. Does someone else know where your most important documents are kept? And can they get to them when they need them? No one plans to fail, but many fail to plan.

Second, TALK WITH YOUR FAMILY. Tell the people you care the most about what’s important to you – so they won’t have to sit down with a funeral director on the worst day of their lives, scratching their heads and saying, “Gosh, I wonder what Dad would have wanted?…”. Tell them. For your sake and theirs.

Third, BE AWARE THAT STATE STATUTES GOVERN WHO DOES (and who does NOT) HAVE THE RIGHT TO MAKE DECISIONS about funeral and disposition. [NOTE: Iowa and Illinois both have similar statutes, however there are some notable differences.] When cremation is selected, I explained, we need the signatures of everyone who has the right to make that decision. In certain circumstances, a DESIGNEE DECLARATION may be advisable to empower a specific person to have the unquestionable right to make these decisions – in order to make certain that your wishes will, in fact, be followed.

Before I had finished my third point, they were taking notes.
“Anything else we should know?” they asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Well,” I said, “this is just something to ponder as you give some thoughtful consideration to those three points you just wrote down. I’ve learned that it’s natural for people in any community to want to come together when someone has died…it’s always been that way. Even back to Biblical times. And it seems that it’s not so much because they have to do this – but more because they choose to. Not so much because someone has died – but, if you really think about it, it’s more because someone has lived. I imagine that’s why you’re here for visitation this evening, too…”

I could see the proverbial wheels turning in their minds. “Well, that wasn’t what we expected you to say!” they exclaimed. “But you really got us thinking about several things….”.
What’s your Plan?
Remember Well.

David W. Deuth, CFSP, is a funeral director and the owner of Weerts Funeral Home in Davenport, as well as RiverBend Cremation and Quad Cities Pet Cremation in Bettendorf.  He can be reached at 563.424.7055 or via email at Dave@WeertsFH.com.