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By Gail Glockhoff-Long
GolderCare Solutions

The Question of Appropriate Housing Options – A Family Story

The question of appropriate housing comes up every day in our office. Mom and Dad want to stay in the family home, are they still safe there? Do I need to quit my job to stay home and care for Mom? Mom has passed and Dad is home alone all day, should we move him? There are so many questions and things to consider. No two family situations are the same.  GolderCare can help with the decisions of appropriate care level and options. Not only do we have the professional experience, most of us have walked the walk personally. Allow me to walk through the steps of my own family experience and what we considered at each phase of the process.

Mom (84) and Dad (90) were living in a two story home with my developmentally challenged sister. Mom had vision problems and had several TIA’s which impaired her short term memory. Dad had a heart blockage that needed stents.  After surgery and rehab, he was pulling himself up a very steep flight of stairs. The bathrooms were on the second floor and basement. He was also unstable on his feet and used the furniture method to navigate a room. He was a serious fall waiting to happen. They had to move.

My youngest sister and I started looking for a safer living situation. Our goal was to keep all three together somewhere without steps and on a bus route. We looked at apartments and senior housing. Unfortunately, most of the senior housing has a minimum age requirement, and my sister was too young eliminating that option. All three had been very independent, and emotionally we would need to downsize them in steps.  Luckily, we found a ground level apartment with attached garage just a block from where they were living. To enter they only had to step over the threshold from the garage to the apartment. There was a washer and dryer in the apartment which eliminated carrying things down a hall or stairs. The apartment was also very close to a bus route for my sister.  Perfect we thought. Unfortunately, we overlooked a problem with the bathroom. It had a tub/shower. They had used a walk-in shower for the last 50 years. Even with the grab bars we added and the shower seat, it was still a problem stepping over the tub to get Dad in. This was not optimal and would not be the solution for long, but we considered it a major stepping stone in the downsizing process. We layered on Meals on Wheels to help with cooking. This lasted about a year before we needed to make the next step.

Mom’s vision deteriorated to where she could no longer drive, and Dad had not driven for a few years. We knew it was time for the next move.  When Mom needed to rehab after a TIA, we looked for a location that could become their next home.  By this time, my sister was the “legs” of the three but she did not cook and needed some oversight.  Dad still had his mental capacity and sight but was hard of hearing and unstable on his feet. Mom had great hearing but could not see and had memory and decision making deficits from the TIAs.  Together they functioned as a whole, but it took all three.

We opted for Friendship Manor, which is a CCRC (Continuing Care Retirement Community). It offered us the flexibility we knew we would need for the future for them to stay together. They moved into a two-bedroom apartment in the assisted living wing. The beauty of a CCRC is multiple
levels of care under one roof. There are lots of activities at multiple levels. We layered on additional care as needed.  When one parent was in the nursing wing, the other could walk over and visit. Food, housekeeping, medication management and aids were all provided as needed. As we continued down life’s path, Dad passed, and Mom and my sister continued to stay in the apartment until Mom needed a higher level of care.  Mom then moved to the nursing wing, and my sister moved to an apartment in the independent wing. My sister has just the level of support she needs and can walk over and see Mom every day. My regret is that we did not move them earlier so Mom could have enjoyed more of the activities before she lost her sight.

Additionally, when selecting a senior living facility, look at the calendar of events. Does it include variety and the types of events that are important to your loved one? Do they like craft activities? Card or puzzle groups? Musical events?  Exercise classes? Outings? Are there activities at the appropriate mental capacity level? Review the menu for the week.  Take your loved one to lunch at the location you are considering. How is the taste and presentation? Observe the staff and how they treat the residents and each other. Are they kind, professional and respectful? Tour the apartment or room, the dining areas, the activity areas – are they neat and well kept? Are the residents given lots of options to keep busy?

There are many senior options in this area – new, older, fancy, plain, bustling with activity, or quiet and calm. Don’t be distracted by the newest shiny object.  Look deeper. What is important to your loved one? Answering all these questions and prioritizing your loved one’s needs and preferences is ultimately the key to finding the best match for them.

Gail Glockhoff-Long has advocated for her mother and sister.  She is the GolderCare Solutions Office Manager and Benefits Advocate specializing in Insurance and can be reached at 309-764-2273 or at the GolderCare office located at 4101 John Deere Road, Suite A, PO Box 1071 in Moline, IL. GolderCare Solutions provides long term care solutions for both Iowa and Illinois clients.

Kathy Nitz is a Benefits Advocate for GolderCare Solutions. She uses her wealth of knowledge and experience in benefits planning to help seniors and those who are disabled.