50+ Lifestyles

Your Advocacy

By Jessie Thomson
GolderCare Solutions

How to Advocate for Your Parent with the Doctor

If any of you have been to the doctor lately, you know that there is small window of time to get “everything said” to make the most of your appointment. We are very fortunate to have the quality of health care that is available to us in the heartland of America. That being said, the burden of getting what you need from your health care provider very much rests with you. Our healthcare needs become more complex with age, and it is a good idea to take someone with you to these appointments. This is the time in which your health is being discussed…the outcome of which could lengthen, or in some cases, if managed incorrectly, could possibly shorten your life.

I think it almost goes without saying that most of us go prepared “card in hand” ready to verify that you have Medicare and or other insurance. We have been trained very well for check-in. The last time I was at one of our local clinics, I felt terrible for this gentleman who wanted to “tell someone” what was ailing him. Unfortunately for him, the receptionist was not the person who needed, nor in this case wanted to hear it.

The receptionist role is very different in the case in which I’m trying to advocate for my mom at the doctor’s office. Let’s say Mom has been having episodes of confusion and agitation at home which is new for her. She isn’t taking her medications as prescribed because I’ve found pills on the floor. I also noticed that she is not eating. Rather than dumping all this on the RN, then again on the doctor…hoping he/she will retain it all and hoping that Mom doesn’t over-hear and become angry with me or ashamed… I type up a very objective list highlighting recent history. Bullet form is easier to read and increases the likelihood that it will be reviewed accurately. I would also note across the bottom PLEASE ADDRESS WITH MY MOM AS PART OF YOUR ASSESSMENT SO SHE DOESN’T FEEL WE ARE GANGING UP ON HER. I hand my handy dandy list to the receptionist at check-in and quietly ask that she provide this to the medical team to review before seeing my mom. If I’m concerned Mom may pick up on this, I may even call ahead to speak to the nurse to provide the history
that way. All hands are on deck to ensure Mom’s medical provider has accurate history while also preserving her dignity and my relationship with her.

ASK QUESTIONS. Go in to the appointment prepared with key questions. Have a list of her current medications written down along with the reason she takes it. That way if there is a med adjustment you can ask if it is going to alter her current medication regime. Make sure you include her supplements – they count and can make a huge difference in terms of treatment or side effects. If there are additional test ordered, ask about who is doing the test and when you/Mom will be informed of outcomes and next steps. Clarify if there is any prep or dietary restrictions to be followed before the test.

Keep notes during the appointment. The little spiral notebooks with a plastic zip pocket are perfect to keep insurance cards and medication list zipped and notes of all medical visits
in one location – that will also tuck neatly in your bag. Keep a log of all appointments with date, the name of the provider, your questions, doctor comments, and any follow-up needed. If medical events happen at home, add them to the notebook with the date so you have that information for the next medical appointment. Put dates for appointments on Mom’s
calendar and yours.

This seems like a lot of common sense sort of tips, but in reality it’s a huge challenge. It’s not like taking our kids to the doctor. This is Mom. This role reversal can be painful and challenging. The stakes are high for her and for you.

Please consider joining us at our upcoming Empowerment Series: What to Expect When You Go to the Hospital on June 13th & How to Talk to the Doctor about Mom on July 11th. Both will be held from 10 to 11:30 A.M. – 1900 State Street, Bettendorf.

Jessie Thomson, BSW, is a Care Advocate for GolderCare Solutions. She has years of experience working in the long term care setting in various capacities. She uses this
knowledge and experience to help advocate for seniors and those with disabilities. You can reach Jessie at GolderCare Solutions Unlimited, LLC (309) 764-2273.