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Happy Spring

By Gail Glockhoff-Long
GolderCare Solutions
Benefits Advocate

Spring is here. When I was growing up we celebrated May Day by making little craft paper baskets and filling them with wild flowers and delivering them to neighbors. It was a great excuse to visit and chat with a neighbor. As a child, we delivered them to the neighbors with the best cookies. Then came Mother’s Day that also involved wildflower bouquets for Mom. Growing up in a flower gardening family, as soon as the weather warmed, my outing when visiting Mom in assisted living or nursing care was to tour the gardens and inspect what was in bloom. To increase her engagement, I would have her “teach” me the names of the flowers. Now that Mom and Dad have both passed, I wished I had picked their brains more on family history during our visits.

Too often I have heard clients say they don’t visit mom/dad very often because they can’t think of anything to talk about. People in assisted living and nursing homes love visits. To make celebrating Mother’s Day and Father’s Day easier, let’s replace that excuse with some conversation ideas.

For those still able to hold a conversation:

• Ask about their childhood – what were their siblings like? Where did they go to school? Favorite subject? Did they play sports? Were they in the band/choir/drama group?
• What type of dancing/music was popular when they were teens? What chores did they do growing up? Did they have any pets? What did they do for fun? Favorite food?
• Ask about their parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles – what did they do for a living? What is their favorite memory of the person? How did their parents meet?
• What world events had the most impact on them? What are they most grateful for?
• Did they do volunteer work? Were they in a community organization or club?
• What do they feel is their greatest accomplishment?
• Did they serve in the military? Talk about service events.
• Write down the answers after your visit to add to your family records.

For those no longer able to formulate answers to questions:

• Bring a photo album of past vacations or family events and talk about the pictures.
• Tour the gardens at the facility or visit Vander Veer Botanical Park or similar beautiful setting and bring their attention to interesting things to enjoy. Gardens can engage sight, hearing, and smell. Some gardens are even designed to be tactile and invite you to touch.
• Take them to a concert of music they would enjoy – Lincoln Park in Rock Island, Bettendorf Park Band, chamber music, check Visitquadcities.com for events. Augustana and St. Ambrose both have fine music programs with frequent concerts. Make sure you check how easy it would be to navigate the space if you are using a wheelchair. There may be a musical event at their facility that you could attend with them. Being a musical family, we brought our own concert to Friendship Manor for Mom and anyone that wanted to attend. The performers were all family.
• Bring a 100-piece puzzle and work on it with them while you chat.
• Bring a favorite snack in a form they can enjoy like a small cup of Whitey’s instead of a cone, or their favorite hamburger in a small size.
• Bringing a grandchild along for the visit provides lots of talking ideas and entertainment. Bring a project for grandchild to do with grandparent. This will provide positive memories for both the grandparent and the grandchild. The visit does not have to be long.

I have had a few very hard-of-hearing friends. The best communication was often writing out the questions, and they would speak the answers. Be creative. Most important is to be engaged. Make that person the center of your attention during your visit.

GolderCare provides individualized care and benefits advocacy and coaching to assist seniors and their families as they navigate the aging process. Gail is a Benefits Advocate with GolderCare Solutions, helping families navigate the complexities of aging, care, insurance, placement, and public benefits.