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Offering Comprehensive Long Term Care Solutions and Patient Advocacy

By Kathy Nitz
GolderCare Solutions

Admitting a Loved One to a Nursing Home

Often times, we meet with families facing the
decision of placing their loved one in a nursing home. Having gone through the experience with my grandmother, my aunt and my own mother, I know this is one of the most difficult decisions I have ever had to make in my life.

My grandmother, throughout her life, always told the family “never put me in a home!” We always agreed with her and told her that she was too ornery to be in a nursing home. However, at the age of 92, the time came that it was inevitable that she would need care. I remember we talked to her at length to help her understand. Eventually she was placed in a nursing home. We all cried all the way home, but as it turned out, she thrived at this facility and made new friends. Even our family developed new friendships with some of the other families and staff. It turned out to be a very positive experience.

It is important to grieve. You may have feelings of inadequacy. I remember feeling like a failure at not being able to care for my grandmother. No amount of logic could change the fact that I did not have the physical, mental or medical skills necessary to help. It is very difficult to admit that we need help to care for our loved one. This admission feels like a betrayal. Admitting this to yourself can help you accept that it is time to surrender the care of your family member to professionals in a facility.

Life in a nursing home is a “strange new world.” Change is difficult for anyone. There is a loss of “home” and all that means to you as well as your loved one. All too often, we are focused on the person in need and forget that this change affects us as family members as well. For your loved one, there may be a loss of privacy, independence, control or even those simple things hey once enjoyed like going to their own church and visiting neighbors. You can help your loved one by bringing personal things from home to their room. Make their room “homey” and personal. Add favorite pieces of furniture or possessions and bring in family pictures. Be careful to not bring in valuables however at the risk of breakage or getting lost.

Families that take the extra time to go out of their way to get to know the staff of the nursing home can make a big difference. Get to know the administrator, the social workers, the nurses and CNAs. This builds trust and that can make a huge difference. Good communication is key. Talking to the staff and telling them about your loved one will help them do their jobs. A box of candy at the nurse’s station never hurts either!

After you have come to terms with the new reality of your loved one’s situation, there are ways to make the situation better for both of you. You may then begin to realize that there are actually things to be grateful for: a new relief and peace of mind that your loved one is in a safe and secure place; they are getting medical oversight 24 hours a day; there are many conveniences that are immediately available to them such as nutritious meals; bath aids; help with personal care; and opportunities for social stimulation.

Your interaction with your loved one changes at this time also. You now have to time to visit and be with them instead of your time being taken up with the chore of their care. This gives you time to enjoy your time together even if that is simply being with them quietly.

Placing a loved one in a nursing home is never an easy decision. It is important to remember to take care of yourself as well as your loved one.

Kathy Nitz is a Benefits Advocate for GolderCare Solutions. She uses her wealth of knowledge and experience in benefits planning to advocate for seniors and those who are disabled. You can reach Kathy at GolderCare Solutions Unlimited, LLC (309) 764-2273